She listened intently, hanging onto every word that he spoke. Each syllable meant only for her. The church was packed that Saturday evening, the minister preaching the word of happiness and not to fall into the sins of the flesh. His flesh was all she could think of as she watched him walk back and forth across the stage, voicing his sermon with a wireless microphone. Her mind couldn’t help but replay their encounter from earlier that morning. He called her to his office, a place she visited quite frequently at this point. He was overly stressed by his marriage to woman he was no longer in love with. “Jesus has shown me where the heart of my true love resides”, he told her often. Reassuring her that they would be married once his impending divorce was final. “She’s trying to destroy me”, he yelled pounding his hands on his desk, “She wants my money, my house, everything if we go through with this divorce and if I don’t go along like she wants she says she’ll destroy my church and reputation!” He buried his head in hands, sobbing quietly. She left her seat and walked around the desk to console him. “It will be fine”, she said calmly, “The Lord wants US to be together and HE will provide a way.” He pulled her in close, sitting her on his lap. He rubbed the stubble from his unshaven face against her arm, taking in her aroma. “Yes! You’re wearing the perfume I bought you!”, he said excitedly. “I am!”, she said smiling, “The one said reminded you of fresh wildflowers.” “You’re my fresh wildflower”, he told her as he kissed her lips. She leaned into him, wanting more, biting his bottom lip. She loved when he called her his “fresh wild flower”.
She always enjoyed his company, being in his presence since she first attended the church. He was her youth pastor when they first met and she was a quiet demur 13 year old longing for something to belong to. All of her friends looked up to him. He made church fun, he was the “cool” pastor. Church became a daily occurrence for her and her friends, hanging out at the youth ministry after school, attending services every Wednesday and Saturday evening. He was like everyone’s older brother, always making himself available if they needed to talk or had issues of concern. Even at that age, she knew he was exactly the type of man she wanted to marry. As she grew a little older, her feelings for him gained strength and frightened her. She knew of the sin of lust and the commandment not to covet another’s spouse but she couldn’t stop thinking about him She knew he thought about her too from how he would always comment on what she was wearing or how beautiful she was and how her body was becoming more adult like. He was careful to only say those things to her when they were alone, telling her someone else would take his compliments out of context. She felt so torn by her feelings couldn’t let anyone know about it. If she told her mom or friends, they would think of her, calling her a whore and a sinner because of her impure thoughts. She couldn’t tell him for the fear of the same thing, but what if he felt the same way about her? She knew he couldn’t admit it with him being married with children and her only 16. She decided it would be best if she backed away from him a bit. Maybe these are just feelings of puppy love she thought. She tried dating boys her own age, finding herself actually getting close to one young man. A young man with whom she shared her first kiss with following a Friday night date. The pastor asked her stay after youth ministry that next Saturday. He was troubled by rumors he had heard and why it appeared they didn’t communicate anymore. He told her he heard about her new boyfriend and that they were engaging in inappropriate acts. How he wished she trusted him enough to confide in him, allow him to get her back on the right track towards Jesus. “It was just one kiss”, she said tears streaming down her face as he continued his lecture. He had never spoken so sternly to her before, asserting his authority. She felt tingle throughout her body, his tone of voice excited her. He told her about his time as a musician before the ministry, how women threw themselves at him, lust causing him to have a child out of wedlock, how the Lord found him and delivered him from the destructive path he was careening down. He didn’t want her to fall down a similar road at an early age. “You’re my fresh wild flower and I don’t want some horny teenager just plucking you and discarding you. You are too wonderful, beautiful and amazing to be with anyone who truly doesn’t feel that way about you and you mean to much to me for me to allow it to happen”, he said. “MY fresh wild flower”, that resonated in her ears. Was it a slip of the tongue that he said she was “His” fresh wild flower. He did say how much she meant to him. She was so confused as he continued talking. Her past feelings about him flooded back, growing even stronger with his new authoritative tone. She knew it was sinful to feel that way but she wanted him to control her, to order her around. No boy her age could make her feel the way he did. She wanted to surrender her mind and body to him. Not only was he older but more experienced, wise to both the world of religion and the secular world. She snapped out of her thoughts when he asked if he could tell her something that could only stay between the two of them. The hair on her arms stood up in anticipation of what he would say next. Maybe he was going to profess his love for her. She would most certainly hold that secret away from the world. “My wife and I are going through marriage counseling. I don’t foresee us working out, mostly because in my heart I know that I don’t love her. I love our son and she does great with my other kids but I don’t have any feelings of love towards her in my heart. I’ve prayed and prayed, asking the Lord for guidance and forgiveness and I decided to try counseling to keep my family together for the sake of the church and the children. I couldn’t handle the church thinking less of me because of a divorce. It’s just starting to feel like I’m losing everything.” She reached out and held his hands, “You’ll always have”, she told him looking straight into his eyes. “I really appreciate that” he said returning her smile and squeezing her hands slightly. As she left his office, he hugged her goodbye. Not the regular one armed “Bro” hugs he usually gave her but he held her tightly at the waist. She lost herself into him as they embraced. His strong arms and soft hands felt like heaven holding her. She didn’t want the hug to end as she felt a twitch in his pants below his belt. She wasn’t sure if it were his phone or his penis until he released quickly, said goodbye and returned to his seat behind the desk. She blushed as she walked out of the church. The feelings of lust for him taking over. They resumed their daily communication and she stopped dating anyone at his request. Her parents would ask why she wouldn’t go out with friends more or entertain one of the many boys who would call the house to speak with her. She always responded with “I’m concentrating only school and church.” There was no ‘boy’ she had any interest in. The problem was he was still in an increasing unhappy marriage, but every time they spoke of his situation he would say how he continues to pray for guidance but just wanted to walk away. He and his wife maintained public appearances but lived in separate bedrooms. He took her to dinner a few days after her 18th birthday to celebrate her official entry into adulthood. She was extremely excited to share the news she had received earlier that day. She had been accepted to State University, her top choice for college. He was less than enthusiastic about her good news. He explained why she should attend school at the local college. There would be less opportunities for raucous parties and lecherous boys. More importantly, he needed her close to “be his rock.” She told him she’d think about it, not wanting to stop her dream of college but not wanting to disappoint him either. He walked her to her car following dinner and they hugged, holding each tightly. He leaned don and kissed her lips telling her good night. She stood there in shocked silence. Her youth pastor, confidant, and a man she harbored a secret crush for kissed her. She opened her car door and just sat down, trying to process what just happened. It was straight from a dream, his lips felt like they were made for hers. She also felt a sense of fear. What if someone saw them? What scandal would come from this? She wondered this as she sat motionless in the driver’s seat of her car. She laid in bed that night, unable to sleep. Her mind pulled in a million different direction, always returning to that kiss. It’s fresh memory caused goose bumps throughout her body. She wanted more and knew he wanted her too. She put her face in her pillow, hoping to force herself to sleep. He texted her in the morning, asking her to stop by his office in the afternoon as he prepared for the evening’s sermon. He greeted her at his office door, helping her to the seat in front of his desk. “I am so sorry about my actions last night”, he began his face a bright red, “My emotions took over and I…I lost control.” He rested a hand on her shoulder. “I never meant to cause you any harm or pain. Whenever I pray about own marriage and ask the Lord where does my heart belong with, he would present an image…an image of you…” Her heart skipped a beat. “The Lord believes his heart belongs to me!”, she thought to herself giddily. She stood up from the chair, stopping him from speaking. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her lips against his. Engaging in a passionate embrace, he sat her on top of the desk, moving to her neck from her lips, hungrily nibbling on her. His phone rang, promptly ending their fun. He took the call, discussing the business of the church. She adjusted her clothes and hair, blowing him a kiss as she left. She felt like a woman as she walked away from his office and even if it had to be a secret for now, she knew she had her man. With only one month until graduation and the complete shock of her parents, she decided to attend the local college instead of accepting the offer from State University. She told anyone who would listen that she wasn’t ready to leave town and be on her own yet. Her parents had suspicions that the pastor talked her out of it. They had no reason to think the pastor had ill intentions for their daughter so they just put their thoughts in the back of their minds. She continued meeting the pastor for their clandestine visits in his office, making out together, engaging in some touching but never below the belt. Graduation day had finally arrived and it was a joyous occasion for all. After spending the day with family, she told them she was going to stay the night a friend’s house. In reality, she drove to the next time over where he was waiting for her in a motel room. They had talked about this night for the last two weeks. He and his wife went public about their separation and he moved out of the house. The congregation was surprising sympathetic towards him, probably due to constant rumors of his wife’s alleged infidelities. He didn’t help spread those rumors but he also didn’t do much to stop them. Even with his own apartment, he felt it would be best for them to not be in town if they wanted to meet up. The nerves in her stomach pulsed as she parked her car in front of the motel room. She looked around the parking lot as she lightly tapped on the door. He quickly open it, ushering her inside. She sat on the edge of the bed and he joined her, giving her a kiss. “So it begins” she thought nervously, “Maybe this would be the best way, just jump right in.” As their kisses continued, he removed her shirt and bra. Her peach nipples wee erect as he cupped her breasts. He moved his mouth to them, greedily sucking on them both. The area between her legs moistened creating an entirely new sensation. She couldn’t help herself from moaning loudly as her fingers down her stomach and to the top of her pants. She laid back on the bed a little, opening her legs as he unbutton her jeans and pulled the zipper down. His hand slid down her pants, feeling her wetness. She jumped at his touch, her mind adjusting to having someone other than herself to touch her there. His fingers found her opening, slowly penetrating it. She put her head on his chest, releasing moan after until her voice gave out. He removed his hands from her warm crotch, easing her pants and underwear off her body. She laid there more nervous than ever. She was completely naked on the bed in the motel and her youth pastor was currently removing his underwear and rolling a condom down the shaft of his penis. For a long as she held a crush for him, she never honestly expected that the first time she’d have sex would be with him. She closed her eyes as he climbed on top her, slowly entering her body.